When I first launched this project, I wrote,
“How do I, as an individual and we as a society, focus on “Becoming” what we are truly destined to be? How do we become all we can be? How do we further enrich our lives and those of our families, friends, communities and society as a whole? What exactly is it we want to become today? Each and every day, becoming the best at whatever we desire, hope for, have set goals for, prayed for and how do we achieve this state?
Those are questions we’ll focus on together in this new year of 20/20+1.”– Rochelle Jeanette
And I hold true to those thoughts. In addition to seeking any insights you may have on those issues raised,last week I offered a list of questions for your response.
Seeing and believing for “Becoming Today” to be a community, I realize communities are messy. How couldn’t they be? Afterrall community involves people and people are messy, still it is so important to be a vital member of a community.
Therefore I’m going to post the following queries and ask for you to respond either publicly or privately. Your participation will be priceless in ensuring the future value of this community.
- Can you love online?
- Is making a heart engagement, a soul level connection, possible in cyberspace?
- How can I serve others?
- Meaning how can I better serve you? and
- What can you do to help others?
- How do you feel connected?
- What inspires you to be connected?
- What prevents you from forming a connection?
- How do you allow others to connect with you?
- What does a true connection mean to you?
So what kind of responses did we receive?
First let me offer a factoid. Each day the average human brain produces fifty-thousand (50,000) thoughts. Wow, right? Don’t’ try to count them yourself I kept losing track around number 22, lol.
Of all those thoughts, only ten-thousand (10,000); one-fifth (⅕), just 20% of those are positive.
Something that seems to hold true in our responses. So I’ve divided he answers into three main categories:
- Self Doubt
- External Pressures
Today we’ll discuss some of what led to those categories, and then tomorrow we’ll start to look at ways to learn, grow and be more “Becoming”.
First lets’ address fear. This unpleasant emotion of trepidation, uncertainty and for some paralysis of thought processes was prevalent in responses concerning what prevented or why many felt they could not make connections or feel connected to others.
These fears were broken down into four subcategories:
- Fear of failure.
- Fear of ridicule.
- Fear of the unknown.
- Fear of rejection.
All point to our wanting to avoid, pain, conflict and addressing uncomfortable issues. Research has shown that the fear of rejection actually stimulates or activates the same regions of our brain that the experience of physical pain does.
In response to wanting to avoid that kind of hurt many will seek to be people pleasers, putting the perceived wants of others before what they need for themselves.
No wonder so many cite it as a reason for not taking steps towards, change, growth and “Becoming”. We’ll address ways to overcome fear later this week, but the short version is to accept it. It’s okay to validate that you are fearful, however then you need to keep away from the downward spiral of letting it take hold of you. Rather embrace it, and release it.
Self doubt is our next category of answers related to limiting our behaviors or taking steps towards change. This makes sense since self doubts are just our fears manifesting as a defense mechanism to protect us from experiencing loss.
You indicated self doubt was prevalent again in four key areas:
- Lack of confidence
- Past Failures
- Lack of support, real or believed.
- And one of my pet peeves, saying “we’ve never done it this way before”. Ohh, that one always grates on me, but I’ll share my experiences here in tomorrow’s conversation.
Since being detoured by self doubt can be crippling to our entire shared journey, it’s where we’ll begin as we go in depth into how to overcome these obstacles.
Finally our third category of responses were those related to external pressures. When offering reasons for not taking the next step, many cited what they believed to be obligations of others, a belief that improving themselves was selfish and that personal growth was something that was in direct opposition of what was expected of them.
Some of the outside forces listed as holding them back or keeping them from whole heartedly taking steps towards their own “Becoming” were jobs and / or a lack of one; unsympathetic or controlling loved ones and expectations either families, bosses or the perception that society would not allow them to consider personal advancement.
All three areas are of great concern to me, but there are ways to overcome them all. So over the next several days we’ll address these issues, together. Some of our future focuses will be on releasing fears, doubts and anxieties. How to affirm yourself, plus building self esteem and self confidence.
Remember self care is not selfish. It’s something that no one else can do for us, so it should be a primary responsibility within our daily lives. Tomorrow we’ll begin with how we can move past self doubt and begin to embrace ourselves in a more loving manner.