Before the world became busy with issues of war and peace, I was sharing some personal testimony that comes from recent experiences.
While the global situation remains tenuous, I want to shift our shared focus back to our continuing conversation from the early part of last week, when I noted, “so overcoming the month that has been thus far has been a bit challenging for me”.
I couldn’t just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose and find myself closer to where I wanted to be. It’s taken effort to escape the “Depths of Dormancy” , “Roll Away the Stone” and “Reignite”.
However, getting myself unstuck is certainly worth it. That’s where we pick up our discussion now, on this edition of “Becoming Today”.
Like all of life, it’s been a process.
One that began with questioning myself, recognizing my needs and having my path forward revealed in my reflections.
As I scribbled in my journal, noting the conversation I was having in my head:
Anything you feel you may lack, you ARE capable of developing.
I had to stop the negative self talk I was feeling, influenced by the physical pain I was feeling, and challenge myself to suspend self judgment.
I knew this. It was not anything new, but again I found myself in the company of an old companion. Again it was necessary for me to say goodbye to guilt.
Now notice I referred to him as an old companion, not a friend. Because he’s been anything but in my life. So when he tries to sneak back in the door, I need to nor only stop him, but slam the door in his face!
We’re not doing this again. I not only don’t have the time and energy for it – it is totally unnecessary.
Guilt is worthless.
A lesson that took me decades to realize, understand and fully accept.
Plain and simple guilt serves no good purpose. It does not assist us, strengthen us or empower our momentum. It destroys. Limits, distracts and prevents us from achieving our next levels of “Becoming”.
I know this. I just needed a refresher.
I had to revisit the battlefield in my mind to recall that God’s Mercy and Grace are refreshed daily. He has forgiven what I felt I was lacking in the moment, so why hadn’t I?
Let it go and move on. It really is that easy, though I still struggle at times when it is easier said than done.
The process I’ve learned for this is relatively simple. In fact only four steps, which all dovetail into one another quite easily when you allow it to, and actually do it.
Learn from your mistakes, accept you are forgiven and move on. If I can do it, so can you.
Like I had to do, you just need to make the decision to follow through, which in this case required me being a little tougher on myself.
We all must deal with our own consequences, the result of our actions, decisions, attitudes and beliefs. So why not make it so we are celebrating the outcomes rather than trying to repair, overcome or run away from?
While I certainly have been no stranger to the theory of “Tough Love” popularized by Leo Buscaglia, I think too often there is a wrong emphasis, with too much attention put on the being tough aspect. I know at times in my life I have certainly been guilty of that. Admittedly it may have helped for a mere moment but the fallout or repercussions in some cases have taken years to overcome. Impacting not only others, but my own self healing and personal development. Those are lessons I do not want to repeat.
I understand there are times when this theory is very effective and can even be life saving, however it’s important to keep the emphasis on the Love part and while realizing the need to be strong and overcome adverse situations, being tough in an uncompromising manner is not the key.
That’s why I’ve grown to understand and betet embrace the idea of Lovingly Detaching.
While both Tough Love and Lovingly Detaching require us to remain steadfast, strong and forbearance, or sticking to our principles and beliefs, detaching is less harsh. We cannot force anyone to take personal responsibility, nor should we try to take on the management of their actions, rather we must learn to love within wise choices rather than simply be reactionary with emotional responses.
It is far more compassionate to love from a distance rather than allowing ourselves and loved ones to spiral down together.
Learning to love while at times disengaging from being reactionary allows us not only to protect ourselves but help foster the emotional and at times physical health of the others involved.
As we lovingly detach from things that no longer serve us, among those is the need to know everything. There really is no need to understand all that we encounter and endure.
It really is true, sometimes you really do not need to know.
I think most of us are familiar with the phrase “on a need to know basis”. However did you realize it applies to us concerning our own lives?
I suspect for many it did not. I was suspicious of the idea, but once I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to explore the idea, I’m glad I did.
I realize it’s an uncommon conversation, but one I feel many of us need to consider.
It was a tough lesson for me, and at times is still challenging. As throughout my life and professional endeavors I have always been involved in uncovering information.Bringing issues to light of day and seeking truth, justice and liberty for all. More than a cliche it was a credo, my motto, part of an oath affirmed for my life to be of service for the greater good.
While I have no regrets about that, I have come to the realization that when it comes to the future and details about my own life I really do not need to know. Furthermore my struggle to uncover these elements has led to delays, obstacles and heartbreak.
As uncomfortable as it remains at times I have had to learn to accept not knowing. I have come to see that God has the solutions and my demanding answers often only interferes with His plans for me.
It’s part of His desire for us to be patient and live our lives steadfastly in faith. To trust in Him and worry not. As Jesus instructed,in Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
God has the solution you need, even before you knew there was a need or perceived a problem. When you accept this as the Truth and allow yourself to receive His promise, God will show up with the answers,
Lovingly detaching ourselves and accepting the fact that we do not always need to know enables us to more clearly recognize and accept the favor of God.
I hope you are. I pray your future is one that iis enabling you to continue “Becoming Today”. Becoming who and what you were truly destined to be.
Please allow me to share this blessing with you:
I know not what the future holds. However the “hows” don’t matter because you’ve got this. I pray. I trust. I believe. I receive the abundance, prosperity and security necessary to fulfill my assignment, to step further into Your light. To accept Your Promise and become delivered to the fullness of my destiny in Jesus’ name; AMEN!
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