Four Years After…

Suddenly, in an instant it all changed.

My path. My life. My outlook. My health.

I’ll explain on this edition of “Becoming Today”. 

In less than a second everything went dark. I could see nothing. I could hear nothing.

As I came to, I could not move.

I lay there motionless, unable to call out. Traffic going by. People standing and talking to one another within 20 feet of me and no one noticed. Or perhaps none cared. 

It seemed as if I was completely unseen, until I was able to get to my feet, wobbly, unstable, dazed, very much confused and bloody, yet I had to make someone hear me say three seemingly simple words…

“I need help!”

That was four years ago today.

After my cry for assistance, the immediate details are sketchy at best. 

There was an ambulance ride. A stay in an intensive care unit. And doctors who kept wanting to explain things away by telling me I had to accept I suffered life-altering injuries. I had to realize my life would never be the same.

Well in hindsight I did, but not in the manner that they were trying to convince me of.

It’s important to note anniversaries, even if many of the memories are of things that were painful or that you probably never wanted to experience. Still these milestones can be healthy reminders of what we have overcome on our way to “Becoming Today”.

“Celebrating” these moments in time allow us to connect, reflect and refocus.

Noting the milestones along our paths grants us the opportunity to heal by feeling those emotions again, through a new filter, a new new perspective and with the wisdom gained from the experiences.

It allows us to reflect upon what was, what is and how ultimately even the tough times were for our ultimate good. Then we can refocus in the moment and realize we have what it takes to carry on. 

This day, July 18th, is actually a ‘biniversary’ for me. Don’t worry you won’t find that word in the dictionary. So you have to trust me, I spelled it correctly, afterall I just made it up. Literally moments ago.

I call this day a biniversary because it marks two separate major changes in my life, the first that is now Four Years After and another which occurred one year ago.

While the two events differ greatly, they both were indeed “life-altering” and I’m glad for them.

Luckily last year’s event did not involve any blood loss, well not immediately at least it did prove to usher in a period of intense emotions, incredible healing and new ways of living.

They both also required something of me.

To “Fear Not”.

Though with the first incident, I certainly did. And did so for several years. It was not good. I fought, I battled, with myself and everyone around me.

Not that I wanted to. Some of my fighting had to do with getting myself free of the physical impairments I was being told to live with and that there’s no cure. Some had to do with those who were supposed to assist, not caring at all about doing that. Some had to do with others choosing to walk away and just abandon me when I was in need.

I was allowing myself to become bitter, jaded and very, very tired. As I’ve shared previously in “Why Becoming Became My Way”, hope was gone and I saw no path forward, until suddenly in an instant, it all changed…. Again. 

I first shared that chapter in my journey a little over a year ago and I know now that was required for me to be able to take the next leap of faith, that I did not understand until one year ago today.

Now I still don’t have all that figured out. However I am in a much better place literally, metaphorically and yes spiritually too. 

In inviting you to join me in marking these milestones, I spent last week, sharing some of the background details of what exactly happened to me one year ago. I won’t repeat them today, but if you care to, you can read about them here. 

Also on Saturday I shared some of the individual lessons learned and the results from that life altering journey I discovered myself on. You can find those discussions and links here. 

As for what occurred four years ago, some of those details no longer matter and others I’m not ready to reveal, yet. Perhaps in the memoir, but they’ll have to be treated in a “ripped from the headlines”  manner. You know when they say events and people are fictitious, but actually are a way of furthering shielding the truly guilty who manipulate loopholes to avoid their responsibilities. 

Anyway perhaps you can sense why I’m still not ready to discuss all of that.

However I will share some of the lies I was told at the time. Not to point fingers rather in an effort to testify that “this too shall pass”. 

It took me nearly two years to be able to regain my sense of balance and three to get rid of the cane, after the experts insisted I would never walk unassisted again.

In fact a court even determined that my life, or what might remain of it, was valued at $2.53 a month. Yes, that’s what a judge determined that my human life was worth two-dollars and fifty-three cents a month. Wrong again. 

I’ve had to be a fighter my entire life. At times I wish I hadn’t had to be, but there is a reason for everything under the sun and someday I’ll know what they were in the meantime I carry, calm in the present moment, knowing there is so much more ahead.

“Fear not”.

So as I begin my biniversary, with that top of mind I shall fear no evil and find myself reflecting upon this Scripture:

“When I am afraid I put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise. In God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

I am far stronger than I was four years ago. I am far more courageous than I was even a year ago today. And tomorrow I’ll be even more strong and courageous than I am at this very moment. 

Where I’ll be four years or even one year from now, I don’t know, but I do accept ioit will be an amazing adventure getting there. 

On this biniversary, I am revived, relocated and reignited. I am a living witness to it all being possible and that’s why daily i invite you to walk this path and help determine together who we are “Becoming Today”.

It does require commitment, dedication, effort and perseverance – which is where we’ll pick up our conversation tomorrow.

In the meantime, since this is a celebration day, I’m in mood again for a little music, with some meaning too: