Do “They” Matter?

Who are “They”? Does anybody really know?

It’s one of those questions that if we are not, we probably should be asking ourselves on a regular basis.

Who are “They”?

Plus there are a multitude of follow up questions involved on this edition of “Becoming Today”. 

The past weeks along our shared path have involved a focus on transforming ourselves. We’ve talked about how change is the one constant. We must always be willing to embrace the idea, to seek to better ourselves, our families, our communities and society. 

Additionally our discussion has involved the concept of changing seasons, and how that may entail the realization that sometimes people come into our lives for only a season, or a few, and then it’s time for us  or them to move on. 

If you’ve seen a need to do this or are putting the principle into practice you no doubt are getting at least some questions if not a lot of push back from who “they” may be. 

The individual ways we can realize our own Transformative Transition will vary greatly. No two people are alike, nor are we created to be the same. Embracing our differences and affording each other the compassion, dignity and respect which we are due ourselves will help to form our own maps along this journey.

So that’s why we have to ask the question, who are “they”? Why are “they”motivated or feeling obligated to weigh in on, or attempt to influence your personal path of “Becoming”.

Even for those not walking our combined paths,or those who may be and do not yet realize it, I think many times everyone is faced with questions:

Who are “they”? And do “they” really matter?

While especially in recent times we are all confounded with this issue of “They”–”They” say this, “They” want that,  “They” tell you  what “They” believe you should or should not do, “They” amplify their voices about what “They “ oppose and “They” insist you are going about it all wrong. 

Even though “They” are vocal, make a lot of noise and seem to always have something to say about us, our beliefs or desires, do any of us really know who “They” are.

So my first reaction when I get hit with a ‘well “They” say… is to  respond ; often a bit too passionately… 

I don’t care!  

Anyway, who are “They”? 

And maybe “They” need to be more concerned about themselves. 

Then when I regain my composure I get back to or focus for today on Who Are “They”?

So from there we need to undertake a deeper understanding of who “They” are. Why are “They” motivated to say what “They” are and is there a larger them behind “They”.

I always say to follow the money. 

Life has revealed to me many times over that “They” are often a special interest group, some kind of extremist or a vocal minority. If these are the cases you really need to consider your sources. If “They” are without you asking for their opinion feeling obliged to not so gently correct your beliefs, philosophies or attitudes, you may need to see who “They” really are. 

Too many times in recent history we see individuals and groups claiming they are one thing, when really they aren’t . In fact may “They” can be motivated by the complete opposite of who they are allegedly standing up for or  trying to “help”. 

We see this regularly. Groups that claim to be Christians that publicly encourage violence against others. Organizations that in the name of religion organize terror attacks against differing beliefs and elected officials who despite affirming oaths do anything but serve the public interest.

These are all examples of some of those blood boiling times when I want to scream, I don’t care!  Anyway, who are “They”? And maybe “They” need to be more concerned about themselves.

But when I step aside from my emotions, I realize I do care. We do need to be concerned not only to protect ourselves  but also to offer level headed responses for others to understand something is amiss with the claims of “They”.

Then there are “They” who we do know. People in our own circles who suddenly may come against us. Loved ones who try to prevent our forward momentum, even family members who are well intentioned, but perhaps are less motivated to be Becoming than we are. 

Our reality is one of always being “Becoming”…. Restating our shared definition from Day One of this project:  ‘’the process of coming to be something or of passing into a state”. Coming to be always, “Becoming”. Growing, developing and shifting into an attitude and daily practice of always, “Becoming”.

That is quite simply the essence behind, “Becoming Today”.  Now getting there requires planning, action and growth plus accepting ourselves.

Each day I ask myself, how do I, as an individual and we as a society, focus on “Becoming” what we are truly destined to be? How do we become all we can be? How do we further enrich our lives and those of our families, friends, communities and society as a whole?  What exactly is it we want to become today? Each and every day, becoming the best at whatever we desire, hope for, have set goals for, prayed for  and how do we achieve this state?  

To start with you need to accept the reality of your life.

Not your own version of reality, rather a hardcore assessment of where you are and where you want to be. You may need to overcome many things including regret, denial. Or past failures and disappointments. 

Yes we should practice positive self -talk but a true failure to connect with reality can not only be disheartening, but also sets us up for failure. In some cases it can also be quite dangerous, putting us at risk of hurting others as well as ourselves.

Here are the 8 steps of Acceptance that I’ve learned along my path towards “Becoming”:  

  1.  Accept Yourself. Embrace the ability to unconditionally love all aspects of who you are. Both the positive and negative.Do not become overly critical.  It all starts with the proper attitude.        
  2. Accept that Accepting Reality is not the easiest thing to do. However acceptance of your current scenario will ultimately make you happier in the present , which then leads  to a better future. Accepting your reality will help you choose your steps properly and keep the momentum moving forward and upward.
  3. Accept Truthful and Complete Honesty. When you get past your ego, then you can allow for the creation of a beautiful new you. Denial will not make the negative go away. 
  4. Accept Personal Responsibility.  In order to fully accept your reality, you must take ownership of any role you may have played, good or bad, in leading you to where you are.  When you do, then you can work on decisions for the next steps.
  5. Accept Your Mistakes. You can’t fix anything until you acknowledge you have a problem. Look at your mistakes not as failures but as learning opportunities. Reky on the power within for the strength to co-create your reality.
  6. Accept  Ownership. Own all of it. Not just the challenges but also your strengths and success. Taking ownership of all your outcomes can teach you to do better, and that overcoming leads to a learning moment.
  7. Accept Power Over Your Fears. Do not let fear rule. Fears of what others think of you, fear of making a decision, fear of not being popular, is all demoralizing. It adds nothing to your experience. Realize that “they” will criticize, judge you, or ridicule you no matter what, so who cares?
  8. Accept Goal Setting and Planning.  Clearly state your intention, desires and establish standards and practices. Ensure you have small steps in the plan to allow for immediate and quick accountability. Stick to it. “Becoming” can truly begin to happen once you have a plan with specific goals.

Submitted for your consideration these are not the final steps  along your path. You can not create a state of “Becoming”, if you aren’t willing to let the former or current  realities go.

For many of us that will require stepping away from or distancing ourselves from some of the “They”. Some who have been important and close in the past, but perhaps they are lagging or choosing to remain behind . Others could be determining that heir new season is different from the one that we are each embarking upon.  

So Who Are “They”?

While I can offer clues or possibilities the truth is for each one of us Who “They” Are is something we each need to explore for ourselves.


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