Tomorrow marks the third Sunday of the advent season, one dedicated to remind us of the importance of joy. An always relevant reminder that we’ll discuss on this edition of “Becoming Today”.
Joy is one of the greatest gifts we can receive.
I pray that you are consistently developing and redeveloping your joy.
Finding it, unleashing it, sharing it always be “Becoming” joyful, joy filled and joyous. A lack of joy is of our own creation, it is born from how we choose to respond to circumstances.
So I encourage you to: Choose Joy. Choose a Joyous Life.
That we know can be accomplished by nurturing yourself with positive, compassionate self-talk. Not hanging onto old baggage. Releasing the present interruptions and focusing on who you truly are.
Now coming from a place where you are more content, approaching all things, people, situations from a place of peace and remaining calm, it’s time to keep that momentum building… both forward and upward!
If you feel you may be lacking in this area of self-empowerment, fear not, you are not alone. No one is born this way, we all have fears, doubts and insecurities. Plus all of us have the ability to overcome any lack. None of us are perfect, so let’s empower ourselves by first accepting who we really can be “Becoming”.
In order to be “Becoming”, we acknowledge that we needed to practice acceptance.
- Accept Yourself. Embrace the ability to unconditionally love all aspects of who you are. Both the positive and negative.Do not become overly critical. It all starts with the proper attitude.
- Accept that Accepting Reality is not the easiest thing to do. However acceptance of your current scenario will ultimately make you happier in the present , which then leads to a better future. Accepting your reality will help you choose your steps properly and keep the momentum moving forward and upward.
- Accept Truthful and Complete Honesty. When you get past your ego, then you can allow for the creation of beautiful new you. Denial will not make the negative go away.
- Accept Personal Responsibility. In order to fully accept your reality, you must take ownership of any role you may have played, good or bad, in leading you to where you are. When you do, then you can work on decisions for the next steps.
- Accept Your Mistakes. You can’t fix anything until you acknowledge you have a problem. Look at your mistakes not as failures but as learning opportunities. Reky on the power within for the strength to co-create your reality.
- Accept Ownership. Own all of it. Not just the challenges but also your strengths and success. Taking ownership of all your outcomes can teach you to do better, and that overcoming leads to a learning moment.
- Accept Power Over Your Fears. Do not let fear rule. Fears of what others think of you, fear of making a decision, fear of not being popular, is all demoralizing. It adds nothing to your experience. Realize that “they” will criticize, judge you, or ridicule you no matter what, so who cares?
- Accept Goal Setting and Planning. Clearly state your intention, desires and establish standards and practices. Ensure you have small steps in the plan to allow for immediate and quick accountability. Stick to it. “Becoming” can truly begin to happen once you have a plan with specific goals.
Next we need to build upon that acceptance.
When you have improved the vision of who you are, then you can shift towards where you want to be. Open yourself up to new possibilities. Dreams do come true. Trust yourself, do what you love and love who you are while doing it. Embrace your times of imperfection with grace and forgiveness and empower yourself to conquer any self limiting aspects.
Begin this step by practicing affirmations. Check the archives for an in depth study (5-days) of how to develop your own intensely personal, purposeful and prophetic affirmations.
While daily affirmations are simple, positive statements which declare your specific goals as already behind achieved, they are very powerful tools. Tools of focus, strength and clarity. That’s the reason why we’ll be spending several days on this step along the path of “Becoming”
To prepare, you need to be practicing Self-Care, actively be involved in gentle, healing Self-Talk and be fully Accepting of who you are and where your momentum is aimed. As you know by now, I believe that momentum always needs to be both forward and upward!
Let go of all negative thoughts and release your subconscious to heal itself with new beliefs, foundations and visions which are positive and boldly declared as already taking place right here, right now.
Therapists have found that using positive repetitions can reprogram thinking patterns and over time, those who affirm do begin to think and act differently.
Reports also indicate the practice of daily affirmations have been used as clinical treatment for people suffering from low self-esteem and depression.
You can decide to use affirmations to improve any area of your life where you would like to see positive change. These can include but are not necessarily limited to :
- Boosting your self confidence.
- Overcoming negative emotions.
- Improving your self-esteem.
- Finding a dedicated focus.
The researchers agree that the power of affirmations comes from repeating them to yourself regularly.hem on a regular, consistent basis. Sometimes not only daily, but often several times each and every day.
Perhaps one of your affirmations is something along the lines of, “I am deserving of being treated with compassion, dignity and respect”.
Remember to first practice giving those things to yourself and receiving them gratefully with grace. Do this by empowering your self esteem.
Obviously I hope you are making the choices to improve or strengthen your positive self esteem. We know that negative self-esteem can impact every aspect of your life, including relationships, jobs and your health.The good news is you can correct your false views of yourself, as the following steps borrowed from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will outline.
1. Identify Problem Areas
Think about the situations that deflate your self-esteem. Identify the triggers. Some examples include:
A crisis at work or home
A challenge with a spouse, child or other loved one,
A change in life circumstances, such as a job loss, a death of someone near and dear or a child making poor choices.
2. Pay Attention To Your Thoughts
We all are familiar with the quote, “cogito, ergo sum”.
Not ringing a bell, well that’s probably because most of us don’t speak Latin and have probably heard Rene Descrtes (French Philosopher) words translated as “I think, therefore I am”.
Once you’ve identified a disturbing situation, you especially need to pay attention to your thoughts. This includes self-talk and your interpretation of what the situation means.
Ask yourself if this belief is true? Would you say it to a friend? If not, then don’t say it to yourself.
3. Challenge Your Negative Thinking
Be aware that long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, even though they are not. Often these false perceptions are just opinions devoid of any truth. Then make sure you are not getting involved in patterns of self delusion or accepting falsehoods as the truth.
Some of these patterns to avoid can be:
All-or-nothing thinking. Do not say to yourself, If I don’t succeed in this task, I’m a complete failure and always will be.”
Rejecting your achievements. Do not tell yourself they don’t count. Do not place false limits on yourself.
Reaching a negative conclusion when evidence does not support it. For example, “They didn’t reply to me, so obviously I must have done something wrong.”
Mistaking feelings for facts. Do not confuse feelings or beliefs as factual evidence. For example, “I feel like a loser, so I’ll always be a loser.”
4. Take Ownership of Your Thoughts
Rather than being overwhelmed by negativity, acknowledge its presence.
Accept it, then shoes to empower yourself. Look at the reality and declare it will be no more. Work, take action thoughts or feelings to be “Becoming”:
Take care of yourself. Self care not only of the mind, but also the body and soul.
Use Positive Affirming statements. Treat yourself lovingly and always be encouraging. Delaye you “can” and you “will”.
Forgive yourself. If you’ve made a mistake or are not on track to complete a goal, remember it’s not permanent. You need to readjust to move past that moment in time and create the next in abundance.
Do things you enjoy. Start by making a list of things you like to make a “can-do” list. Things you can and are willing to do.. Try to do something from that list every day.
Spend time with people who make you happy. Don’t waste time on negative or fake people
.
Feeling better about yourself? Good, now let’s keep it that way, by practicing self-care.
On the simplest level it is taking care of yourself. We know we are unable to care for, assist or be of service to others if at first we are not addressing our own needs and healing. It’s the old story about the flight attendant’s speech. What is the first thing you are supposed to do if the oxygen masks drop on a plane? Put yours on first then you can come to the aid of others.
Self-Care is also being good to yourself. Treating yourself like you would others. It involves self acceptance, gentle self talk, self compassion, having empathy for yourself and seeing that your basic human needs are being me.
If you are not feeling that you are receiving C.D.R. (compassion, dignity and respect) the first thing to check is are you giving them freely to yourself? If you’re not respecting yourself, not allowing yourself to live a dignified life or not accepting your own ups and down with compassion, why would anyone else be?
An essential part of “Becoming”. Is living a healthy life. This includes all four aspects of life, something for years I’ve referred to as P.I.E.S.
Physical: Taking care of your temple. Eating healthy, exercising, strengthening and conditioning to remain agile and flexible. Seeing that you are remaining disease free or taking proper step and treatments, therapies, etc to ensure you are recovering.
Intellectual: Tending to your mind as well. Maintaining cognitive functions and abilities as well as having right thoughts. Keeping yourself motivated for the momentum to always be “Becoming” forward and upward.
Emotional: Maintain balance and control over your emotions. Celebrating the highs and guarding against the lows. Ensuring your mental health is fit as well.
Spiritual: Are you involved in a daily spiritual practice? How do you see yourself in relationship to creation? Do you need rituals? Traditions? All very personal questions for yourself to consider.
When you are addressing all four aspects of life, the circle remain unbroken, the wheel of life keeps spinning, you continue to move, f not then suddenly one area deflate and like a flat tire you find yourself temporarily stranded on the side of the path, However, this too can be corrected, Fix-A -Flat, the tire changed or someone comes to rescue you. These delays can be overcome.
Beginning with stopping the negative self-talk. Pay attention to any self-defeating thoughts you have. Work at releasing them and focus on remaining positive.
Also focus on how you speak to others. Boldly declare your truths. Words have meanings and meanings are power. Make sure you are empowering yourself , speaking always in positive ways.
You can not create a state of “Becoming”, if you aren’t willing to let the former or current realities go.
Do not get stuck in the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” mentality. Hanging onto to what should have happened, what could have happened, or what you wished would have happened, give yourself motivation to get over it. Release it and heal. Or keep a grip on it and be paralyzed; immobilized by feelings of pain and bad memories.
If you are telling yourself you are ready to move on from a negative experience, but still are not sure how to get started, here are some steps to assist you in letting go…
- Develop Positive Self Talk
Those endless conversions that go on inside of you, and sometimes aloud when you think you’re alone are the starting line. How you talk to yourself can either help you move on or keep you bogged down.
One technique to improve your internal dialogue is to create a Reassuring, Reaffirming Mantra.
Instead of limiting yourself by thinking things like “Why me? Why did this happen to me!” Declare positive energy. Try something like, “I am so fortunate to be “Becoming”. Finding this new positive path in life is good for me.”
- Practice Mindfulness
The most important moment in our lives, is the one we are currently experiencing. Make the most of it. Focusing on the present moment, tlessens the possibilities for a negative impact that either the past or future can have on us
- Be Kind To Yourself
We are all our own worst critics. Now is the best time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. Treat yourself like you would someone else. Nurture, be loving, and kind. The more you are able to let self-care become an automatic habitual response into your daily life, the more you are empowering yourself. Kindness empowers.
4. Let your emotions flow freely
Do not keep things bottled up. Burying your feelings not only causes the pain to remain, oftentimes it can increase and have negative physical effects on our bodies ( and minds) as well. You are not the only one who has ever been afraid to face a negative or painful emotion, just realize you need to do it. Face your fears, breathe and let them pass through you. Do not allow them to define you. .
Now that you are communicating more effectively with yourself and others. Express yourself freely, concisely and clearly. Practice saying “I let go”, “I am releasing” and “NO!”.
To me it seems the best way to heal is by learning a lesson from the situation, then using it to be “Becoming”. Channel your thoughts, intentions, desires and energies into focusing on growth and building that momentum that moves both forward and upward.
Do not get stuck in the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” mentality. Hanging onto to what should have happened, what could have happened, or what you wished would have happened, give yourself motivation to get over it. Release it and heal. Or keep a grip on it and be paralyzed; immobilized by feelings of pain and bad memories.
Release your bonds to negative people. Let go of those people, you know who I’m talking about. Love yourself enough to move on to a place of accepting and realizing the truth: “I only allow positive people into my life.”
Then to even further empower yourself; collaborate. Enlarge your circle. Surround yourself with the people you truly deserve. You’ll recognize them because they will without hesitation be respectful of you, honor you, offer support, nurturing and assistance. With a strong support system in place, you can feel more secure in your Faith.
Faith allows “Becoming”. The more you trust that in letting go, you can let God, the more you strengthen your ability to empower yourself. Faith brings courage, prayers answered and sometimes even miracles.
And begin (or continue) learning to be with saying “NO.” Accept that you can and should at times say “NO”. For women this is often hard. We are not being selfish, if we have to put someone off for a while. Nancy Reagan tried to teach us all to just say “NO” to drugs plus how many times have you had to tell him, “NO”!
I know “NO” is not easy but I can also testify now that I can and do, it is empowering. It is allowing ourselves to take responsibility for ourselves, our circumstances and our future directions.
To live an empowered life open yourself to a “Becoming”. Be purposeful in living for great expectations, realizations and continued growth. Empowerment means that you are stronger, bolder, more secure. Better able to deal with those distractions, circumstances and moments of stress. Deciding to empower yourself allows for you to make superior decisions, including having the conscious determination to be “Becoming”. By that action you are committing to continue evolving to the next higher level.
Yes you will still encounter delays, obstacles and troubles. However accepting the responsibility for your own empowerment, by focusing on who you are and where you want to be, allows for you to live a life that is truly authentic, more rewarding and of significance.
And if you encounter resistance, hold yourself with Grace. Haters will always hate. Gossips will run their mouths and the fearful will try to scare you. Hold your head high, shoulders back and nurture yourself in your new empowered confidence and in who you are “Becoming Today”.
Becoming Today with Rochelle Jeanette 