Selfish Selfishness

Part of the process. Another piece of the puzzle. 

As this enigma, wrapped in a mystery shrouded by my own self imposed limitations, is again exorcising another revelation in my daily seasonal therapy. 

In this “Lenten Letter” I am realizing my inability to address not being selfish to myself stems from a realization of my unwillingness to give myself compassion because I am clinging to false labels and past identities.

‘Giving up’ these errant behaviors will be our focus on this edition of “Becoming Today”.

Dear Rochelle,

I really need you to pay attention here. I’m not trying to admonish you, nor am I trying to steer you towards self criticism. Rather I’m making the blunt observation that sometimes you just need to pay attention to your own words!

Remember what you have shared. Recall all the lessons you have taught about this and realize you can benefit from a little review.

So allow me to steer you in the right direction and remind you that self care is not selfish. It is necessary.

You can not deny yourself the necessity of taking care of yourself. 

We know we are unable to care for, assist or be of service to others if at first we are not addressing our own needs and healing. 

It’s an old story about the flight attendant’s speech. What is the first thing you are supposed to do if the oxygen masks drop on a plane? Put yours on first then you can come to the aid of others.

Self-Care is also being good to yourself. Treating yourself like you would others. It involves self acceptance, gentle self talk, self compassion, having empathy for yourself and seeing that your basic human needs are being met.

So why then are you again denying yourself?

Self Care is not a rationalization to become self indulgent. It is not an excuse to self medicate or escape from reality and most important Self-Care is NOT being selfish.

Selfishness is having an attitude of  “me, me, me”; “I, I, I”.  The selfish person consistently only thinks of their own needs and desires without consideration of others or their needs.

Self-Care allows for you to be able to have the strength dn tools necessary to be more open, to be more empathetic, to be of more service and accepting of others.

This was an area I struggled with for years. Since my innate nature is to be a nurturer and caretaker, I always felt if I put myself first or said “no” to someone’s request then I was being selfish. I could not have been more wrong. 

As a result those false beliefs took their toll on both my physical and mental health, nonetheless I have recovered and am living my life as  testament that it can be overcome and we can  all always be “Becoming”. 

Selfishness breaks down, it defeats. Self-Care builds up and empowers strength and victory.

Self-Care allows you to set boundaries to maintain your personal power and sense of identity. 

Then you are becoming reconnected  with the strength necessary to release all those things that drag you down, and keep you from your purpose.

Today I am challenging you to say enough is enough. Take care of yourself. Tend to your needs and “give up” this self directed selfishness once and for all.

I know you can do it. You’ve done it before and without a doubt you know where to lift your eyes to for help. Please do it without hesitation.



There are several different aspects of Self-Care. 

1. Sensory self-care is about helping to calm your mind. Find ways to balance the sensations involved in awareness. Consider touch, smell, sound, and sight.

2. Emotional. Making sure you are fully engaging with your emotions. This helps lower stress and deal with anxiety. When it comes to your emotions,  it is healthy to feel them, accept them, and move on.

3. Spiritual self-care is not just believing in God. Spiritual self-care includes knowing and living your values and truly understanding and “Becoming” what really matters to you.

Practicing Self-Care allows for us to start living, stop simply existing. It will make your life more purposeful . It can give you a new reason to get up in the morning. It can be your jump start to “Becoming Today”.


2 thoughts on “Selfish Selfishness

  1. Good morning, Rochelle,

    I just wanted to thank you for this post. I love how God always gives you what you need when you need it. Your letter this morning was more confirmation and validation that self care is not selfish, in fact without it I am not useful to myself or anyone else. Thank you. I hope you are well. ✨💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good to hear from you. I am glad that you received the reassurance you were needing.

      “Well”? A simple word, easy to spell yet with just three letters and four total characters, it’s meaning is so expansive and very subjective.

      Well is definitely influenced by perspective. As I’m in a season of extended patient endurance, I would say that in the eyes of the world the answer would be, no. Perhaps even not at all. Yet through my eyes of faith I know all is well and that the two views will align again.

      So I take this day one step at a time, choosing to remain at peace and living unconditionally faithful, despite what others opt to settle for.


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