Not grammatically the best way to begin however this is one of those discussions full of contrasts.
Weighing all sides, then recalling we are not limited to just two sides of every question, so choosing to examine the perspectives from 360 points of view, the circle continues to spin and my inability to make a decision is no more (yea!), but….
That’ll be the topic for this “Lenten Letter” on “Becoming Today”.
Dear “M”,
Thank you. I am truly grateful for your heartfelt offer and compassionate considerations.
Thank you. Your kindness and love are appreciated more than words can say.
Thank you. You have already done more for me, than any other person . I am grateful and truly thankful for your generosity, but to your current offer I must decline the path that I believe you see as more fortuitous.
In the eyes of the world, it may seem to be the better option, however in the long run, for both of us, I do not think it would prove to be so.
Certainly it offers mutually beneficial options and appears to be more secure however I keep coming back to one potential pitfall that outweighs any benefits.
My concern is that it would enable too much codependency between us. We have witnessed that pitfall before in our lives and while it served its purpose then it is not a lesson we need to repeat.
As I have prayed and meditated upon this up to the so-called “11th hour”, it keeps coming to not over analyze, rather to look within in order to move ahead.
There in my heart I am reminded of the Lord’s call not to worry and not to live in fear. Often he needs us to remain outside our comfort zones, so that He can step in and provide us with the bearings for the correct decision that leads to the fulfillment of our purpose according to His plan for our lives.
Each plan is different as is everything about each of us. Having been engineered by God, those perceived flaws are the Creator’s inspired design for each of us. They may not work for someone else , but when we accept them we operate at peak performance.
In following his operator’s manual we can understand that at times God rouses us out of our feelings of inferiority or of not being able to do something.
For me, this again is one of those moments. We must listen, act and receive. I asked him, multiple times. I have heard his response and I must take the action that He knows will cause me to achieve, rise above and take flight once more.
And yes I had to wait till the ‘last minute’ to respond in order to show God I am indeed trusting Him.
Thank You, but…in prayer, in silence and even in song, the message remains the same; to trust Him. Remain unconditionally faithfully and know that He is here and I am safe, supported and being led.
To what? To where? Honestly I have no idea, but I must obey.
Remember no matter how much you want Him to be, God is never early, however being the ultimate definition of balance, harmony and love, He is never late either.
I asked for signs and I received them. In ways I know it was truly God’s revelation to me and for me. He uses specific and somewhat unusual ways. Signals He knows in the uniqueness He created me to be that I can not miss and I understand even though others in the moment may be oblivious to them.
Long before I ever knew HIm, I came to realize I had a gift that kept me safe. It was always there. Before I had the language to explain. Throughout the years that many get to experience as childhood and through many so called accidents, circumstances and upheavals that life has offered me the opportunity to outlast and patiently endure.
Friday was exactly seven months since the latest “dilemma” was put upon me, and against all odds I am still here. I have not given in. Instead I have surrendered. Not to the situation, but realizing it is beyond my control I have regularly ‘ cast my cares’ and surrendered unto the Lord, allowing Him to be faithful to His promises.
That is where I find myself once again. I can testify to his intervention in the past through hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, tornadoes and many storms in many different seasons of life, so I know He will protect and deliver me once more.
The signs have been prevalent throughout this week. From the hawks I told you were circling and tipping their wings to me at eye level to the blue jays tapping at the window.
Even just before I sat down to write this, Monkey and I found ourselves on an adventurous two-mile walk of discovery during which we saw the first butterfly of Spring.
It was pure white, unblemished, young, seemingly just taking flight for the first time as we heard a dove cooing encouragement.
And God even used Dan Rather, in timely way to remind me of what he termed a “reason to smile”, from Sam Cooke:
“There’ve been times that I thought I couldn’t last for long
But now I think I’m able to carry on
It’s been a long, a long time comin’,
But I know, oh-oo-oh, a change gonna come, oh yes, it will.”
Oh yes change is gonna come. Exactly how and in what form I have no idea, but I am welcoming it with a rousing AMEN✝️
So again I say to you, thank you, but I must not. Rather I am walking forward with assurance fulfilled through faith that all will be well in the end. Even without a re-conjunction of our immediate paths, it will be well, for both of us. And even better is yet to come.
No fears.No worries. Only tears of upcoming joy.
Love you always,
Rochelle
This has been a difficult decision. However one that was required to release some of what has been holding me back. That has been my overall focus during this Lenten season to “give up” what was causing dis-ease in my life. A committed effort to shorten the distance and ease the disconnect with God.
When I first shared with “M” that I was going to undertake this exercise and seek to exorcize an item a day for everyday in Lent, she replied, “are there 40-things you can give up?”
Well we are not quite there yet, however so far I have seen that each day I apply myself it was easier to see something that needed to be released. Often items have revealed how they were braided together with others and I had to keep detangling them till I got to the root. I’ll share some more reflections on that tomorrow as we enter the final 10-days of this season.
In the meantime, yes I’ll shed some tears today, but with my eyes focused above, while proclaiming ‘thank you”. I’ll also be praying much today and invite you to join me in sharing these uplifting reminders:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”
-Proverbs 3:5-6
“Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”
-Isaiah 12:2
“When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?”
-Psalm 56:3-4
“Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him, and He will act.”
-Psalm 37:4-5
“The LORD is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,and with my song I give thanks to him.”
-Psalm 28:7
“…be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.
For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.
In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.
Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan…”
-Ephesians 6:10-18
Then tomorrow, please accept our invitation for you to join us again, for our next edition of “Becoming Today”.
Becoming Today with Rochelle Jeanette 